I am looking through the different screens trying to figure out how to edit and manage this blog. I found one entry that appeared twice -- once in a draft mode and once in an edited mode. I think I finally found a way to eliminate the draft mode. Wow! I probably need to go back to see if there are any other double entries. My intent is to make entries that make some sense but also to share (i.e., with who ever is interested) my thoughts and reflections. In addition, I hope to get some feedback to help me understand this marvelous phenomenon that we call life. I think about things that have happened in my life and wonder "What if...?" The answer to that question usually generates a series of other questions,
For example, my mother died when I was four years old (I'm 75. now). I frequently think about all of the what if(s) had she lived. One of the results(?) of her death was always a longing to belong. I don't know that I was looking for motherly love but I know I was looking for companionship and compassion -- someone to be with, care about me and someone I could care about. Consequently, when I was dumped in the 11th grade by the first girl I was pseudo dating -- we weren't really dating but that is another story -- I felt rejection. The sad part about that is neither one of us claimed or declared the other as a special friend or that we were in a special relationship. The significance of that relationship was that I never took boyfriend-girlfriend relationships seriously. After all, I played football, basketball, baseball, and was on the track team participating in field events and running the 440. The big deal to me at that time was being a good athlete and playing professional football. And given that I was named to the Associated Press' All-State football team as a junior, I was well on my way -- or so I thought! But you know, fate has a funny way of dealing with those things.
What's the point? Well, the point is that my wife and I have been married 45 years and I don't know what I would do without her. I love this girl -- mature young lady? -- more than you can imagine. Never saw it coming nor thought our relationship would be so great and fulfilling. I mean she was beautiful and pretty when we met but she has taken on the characteristics of a fine wine, Miss America, and imperial goddess! To put this in perspective, I was engaged to a girl for 4 and a half years but we broke up because she was in college and marriage didn't seem important to her. I met another girl broke the engagement, married the new young lady I met, had a daughter and shortly thereafter my wife died. My daughter was only a year old when her mother died. Whoa! Here I am, single again. All because God took or allowed someone to go out of my life again. This exit or departure was by death which no human being had any control over. Admittedly it wasn't voluntary but hey my mother and my wife both left me. Tends to make one a little insecure.
Ah, but I digress! As I indicated previously, my wife and I have been married 45 years. You talk about being close, I love her more than you can imagine. I just enjoy being with her in the same space, house, room, etc. To top that off, she is beautiful, intelligent, smart, and witty. She is such a comfort. We laugh, joke, talk, walk, play, and have fun together. I don't know what I would do without her. She takes good care of this crochtity old man and has really been a trooper since we found out I have stage V renal (kidney) disease. She seems to be on top of things and has this peritoneal dialysis machine down. She takes notes and compares things with the nurse and doctor(s) to make sure everything is going the way it should. I don't know what I would do with out her. I have been blessed!